How Can Parents Set Boundaries for Screen Time?
In the digital age, setting boundaries for screen time can be a challenge for parents, so we turned to six child and family therapy professionals for their unique strategies. From negotiating screen time by age to collaborating on the boundary-setting process, these experts, including a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a Psychologist, offer their best advice for managing your family's digital habits.
- Negotiate Screen Time by Age
- Five-Step Connection-Based Approach
- Introduce a Tech-Time Bank
- Model Boundaries and Self-Reflection
- Lead by Example for Screen Time
- Collaborate on Boundary-Setting Process
Negotiate Screen Time by Age
Deciding on limits for screen time can seem like a challenge. Here are some ways that you can successfully navigate this situation. First, assess how much and what type of content your child is viewing. If your child is older (12+ years old), negotiate with them on what content is permitted and for how long. If your child is under 12 years old, share your decided limit (i.e., 1 hour, 2 hours) per day with them, AND share that screen time happens after instrument practice, chores, schoolwork, or other responsibilities are completed.
Also, consider coming up with additional tasks your child can do to gain two units of additional screen time (15- or 30-minute intervals), such as hand-washing and putting away dishes, vacuuming the stairs, walking the dog, having outside time, connecting with a parent, friend, or sibling, or calling a grandparent, etc.
Five-Step Connection-Based Approach
As a teen therapist and parent coach, I help parents set boundaries for screen time and social media by using a five-step, connection-based approach. First, I coach parents to align with their teenager's need for screen time by recognizing its role in their social life, entertainment, and stress relief. This involves validating the teen’s use of technology as a normal part of their world, rather than immediately framing it as problematic.
Next, I encourage parents to approach their teens with curiosity—exploring what apps they use, what they enjoy, and what they find challenging, without judgment. I then help parents acknowledge their teen's perspective, understanding how screen time may serve as a coping tool. I also provide parents with language to discuss the side effects, concerns, and risks of excessive screen use. Finally, I guide parents in collaborating with their teens to set limits, establish consequences, and create a plan for balanced screen time, fostering self-discipline and connection within the parent-child relationship.
Introduce a Tech-Time Bank
One unique approach I've taken to help parents set boundaries for screen time is introducing a 'Tech-Time Bank.' Parents and children collaborate to earn screen time by engaging in educational or physical activities.
For example, 30 minutes of reading or outdoor play could earn 15 minutes of screen time. This approach empowers children to make healthier choices while helping parents enforce boundaries in a positive and structured way.
Model Boundaries and Self-Reflection
I start by helping parents identify their own beliefs, reactions, and habits around screen time. A boundary is often better received when a parent can embody the reason or the 'why' for the boundary rather than get caught in a power struggle. I also want parents to do their best to practice what they preach. I help them to model boundaries with their own screen time. Can they put their phone away at a certain time? Can they keep their phone out of their bedroom? Can they talk about noticing how they have been on their phones too much and need to put it away? Modeling can be the most effective but sometimes challenging way to set boundaries.
Lead by Example for Screen Time
As a therapist, I always tell parents to lead by example when it comes to screen time. If you want your child to regulate themselves in device management, you need to demonstrate the behaviors you want to see.
In today's digital world, managing screen-time usage is hard for kids and adults. By sharing their own struggles and showing how they manage screens in a healthy way, parents can create a more cooperative environment where setting limits feels like teamwork instead of just enforcing rules.
Collaborate on Boundary-Setting Process
With older kids (minimum age 5), include them in the boundary-setting process! After all, it's their life that's directly impacted, so making it a collaborative process can increase their cooperation and decrease conflicts. Start by setting aside 15 to 20 minutes to talk about this together. Next, get curious and ask your child questions about why screens are important to them, what they like about them, etc. Be sure to VALIDATE their responses!
Then talk about other activities your child likes to do (e.g., sports, family time, hanging out with friends, hobbies) as well as things they need to do (sleep, eat, homework, chores). Discuss realistic time frames required for each one of these activities and how this time (and energy!) to do other things can be depleted depending on how much screen time we have. Then talk about time boundaries around screen use that enable your child to still participate in the other activities. Teach your child that boundaries aren't all about saying no and removing things from their life; they're more about being clear on what you want to say 'YES' to and ensuring that it happens.
