Therapy professionals, can you share a technique you've found effective for improving communication within a family and why you think it works?

Question

In the quest to enhance family communication dynamics, we've gathered insights from therapy professionals, including Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists and Clinical Psychologists. From facilitating collaborative problem-solving to focusing on underlying conversation goals, here are five effective techniques they recommend for strengthening familial bonds.

Jeannie Campbell · Answer

I utilize collaborative problem-solving in order to give everyone a voice at the table. I set up the expectations for the session that no one person's needs are more important than anyone else's. This statement helps adolescents get involved, as they frequently feel railroaded by their parents and without a voice. With an identified problem in mind, I start with the youngest family member first and write down what they want/need on a large poster. 
After everyone has a chance, and all the wants are written down, we begin to look at connections, and how one person's 'want' infringes on another's 'need.' To move forward with an action plan for the particular problem being addressed, everyone at the table has to be in agreement, which requires a lot of compromise and discussion. To facilitate the latter, I have a scrap piece of carpet in my office that I'll give to whoever is actively talking. Whoever 'has the floor' (literally!) is the only one who should be speaking, so that way no one feels like they are being talked over.

Greg Griffin · Answer

We all understand that words matter. I show my clients how to figure out a way to ask for what they want without sounding parental, manipulative, or demanding. For instance, instead of saying to a spouse, "You need to apologize" (parent language), say something like, "That hurt. I would like for you to apologize so we can get back to being closer again.
I think we would all agree that we want to enjoy our relationships and feel close to the people we choose. Communication is a skill, and we can continue to hone our words to more effectively get what we want.

Jenifer Brougham · Answer

One effective technique I teach my clients for improving communication within a family is the "sandwich method" for delivering criticism. This approach involves framing constructive feedback between positive comments. For example, start by acknowledging something the person is doing well, provide constructive criticism, and conclude with another positive remark or affirmation.
Here's an example of how the "sandwich method" might look within a family:
Positive Comment: "I appreciate your always taking the initiative to help with household chores. Your effort does not go unnoticed and makes a big difference."
Constructive Feedback: "However, I've noticed that sometimes the tasks are done in a hurry, and a few details get missed. It would be great if you could take a bit more time to ensure everything is thoroughly completed."
Positive Remark: "Overall, your willingness to contribute is fantastic, and I'm confident that with a little more attention to detail, your efforts will be even more impactful. Thank you for all you do!"
The 'sandwich method' is effective because it minimizes defensiveness and facilitates the recipient's acceptance of and action on the feedback. By initiating and concluding with positive comments, the individual feels respected and valued, fostering a more supportive and empathetic family environment. This method promotes open communication and sustains healthy relationships by including praise with constructive feedback.

Natalie Brei · Answer

Oftentimes, when a family member is speaking, we want to interject, minimize, protest, or 'fix' too quickly. We miss what the other party is saying, and they feel unheard and misunderstood. The skill of 'active listening' is crucial here: active listening means giving the other person space to express themselves while maintaining eye contact and attention. Make comments that repeat, restate, or emphasize what the other person says, but don't immediately negate what they say, even if you disagree. If they first feel that you have fully heard them, they are more likely to receive your response. For example, a parent might repeat, 'You feel like the math teacher picks on you—that must feel pretty unfair,' before asking questions or trying to suggest alternate interpretations.

Laney Knowlton · Answer

Communication within families or relationships can be improved by focusing on the foundational reason you're having the conversation and making sure you present the underlying message instead of arguing about context. For example, most fights we have in relationships happen because we want to be connected, and we're worried that whatever we're fighting about will make us less connected. The underlying goal is a bid for connection. Other situations might be founded on a worry that what someone is doing is going to hurt them. In those cases, the underlying goal is to prevent them from being hurt, and the reason we're having the conversation is because we care about them. Starting a conversation from either 'I really like being connected to you, and I'm worried this is stopping us from being as connected as I'd like' or 'I'm scared that you're going to get hurt in some way. Could I share my concerns with you?' will likely change the tone of the conversation and improve communication.

What Techniques Improve Family Communication?

What Techniques Improve Family Communication?

Facilitate Collaborative Problem-Solving

Teach Respectful Request Techniques

Implement the Sandwich Feedback Method

Encourage Active Listening Skills

Focus on Underlying Conversation Goals